Self Care or Bust: PPD & PPA

Self care isn’t selfish. Repeat. Our mental health is SO important and we’re hesitant to openly talk about it because it’s HARD. The stigma that comes with our mental health, PPD and PPA is shitty and it’s allllll too real. The problem with not feeling supported or comfortable enough to talk about when we’re spiraling is that we end up silently suffering alone and it can ultimately take lives. I’ve had bouts of anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember.. I don’t know what life was like before it started so I guess that’s how long it’s been. I can hands down say that when my PPD/PPA hit that it knocked me straight on my ass. If ANYONE ever needs help or has to vent I’m a PM or a phone call away. And I mean that whole heartedly. So let’s talk about it because you aren’t alone..

I had fierce PPD and anxiety with Cora and was utterly lost after I had her. I honestly think it was the first 2 months but I didn’t recognize it until my Dr. was straight forward and asked if I was depressed. When I melted into a sobbing puddle… my answer was pretty clear. We confuse being an exhausted new mom with our symptoms and people looking in from the outside just think.. Hey.. totally normal! New mom shit. She’s tired, baby is up all night, newborns are no joke. She’s fine. We don’t ask moms questions because we don’t want to pry. I NEEDED someone to ask me. I had no interest in other people, I felt like a zombie who couldn’t genuinely feel feelings or connections, my body was tired and achy. There was constant dread. I couldn’t bring myself to respond back to people (like some of my long time best friends and fam) I missed weddings. I missed bridal showers. I missed life. I missed walks. My husband. My kids. I missed myself. The thought of having to talk to anyone or give a hint that something was seriously wrong made me want to crawl out of my skin. My neighbor who I had just started getting to know took one look at me while we were outside and sent me a text afterwards asking if I was ok (because I did not look so hot) and I was MORTIFIED that he could tell just by our short exchange. I seriously hid inside for like 2 weeks afterwards.

Everyone who I had opened up to was constantly reminding me that it would get better but I didn’t believe them. For anyone who is in the midst of this I promise that it DOES get better. I got back on my meds and started therapy to attempt to find some normalcy so I could be present for my family. And slowly but surely after a few months I resurfaced and found my place again. I had to take care of myself first to take care of everyone else.

I’ve been feeling that nagging worry creeping back up and my anxiety has been off the charts which is scary as fuck. Honestly I’m not even positive it’s depression or if it’s life stress or if it’s my anxiety about possibly having depression… see how that sick cycle works. But because I’m getting so close to the end of this pregnancy, I’m obvs worried it’s a sign of what’s to come. And it terrifies me. Fortunately I know what to look out for this time around and I’m as prepared as I can be. Solid support + game plan = win win. And if it does hit, I’ll take it one day at a time.

Depression and anxiety are NOTHING to be ashamed of and I would bet you that more people are dealing with it than you know. We aren’t scared to let someone know when our back or stomach hurt and we shouldn’t be scared to let people know we need help with the things they can’t see. This doesn’t make us less than. We aren’t bad moms. We aren’t shitty parents or spouses. We aren’t weak minded. We are resilient as fuck. As new moms, soon to be moms, and moms who are in the thick of it remember to take care of each other and yourselves first and foremost. Check in time. If you want to share your story with me please do. If you just needed a reminder of your awesomeness that’s cool too. Motherhood is the most amazing, beautiful, and sometimes loneliest journey in the world. Support each other. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.The more we openly we talk about it the less taboo it becomes and if just one of us benefits from this it’s a mega win. Much love! Syd

#selfcare #selflove #wideawake #PPD #postpartum #PPA #depression #anxiety #motherhood #stopcensoringmotherhood #momlife #womenforwomen #helpinghands #shatterthestigma #mentalhealth #strollinwithmyhomies